Tag Archives: Humorous

Oct 10 2015

How Government Employees Got Started


Once  upon a time there was a king who wanted to go fishing.
He called the royal weather forecaster and  asked about the upcoming  weather conditions.
 
The  weatherman assured him that there was no chance of rain in the days ahead.

So the king went fishing with his wife, the queen.  On the way he met a farmer on his donkey.  Upon seeing the king the farmer said, “Your Majesty, you should return to the palace at once because in just a short time I expect a huge amount of rain to fall in this area”.
 
The king was polite and considerate, he replied: “I hold the palace meteorologist in high regard.  He is an extensively educated and experienced professional.  And besides, I pay him very high wages.  He gave me a very different forecast. I trust him and I will continue on my way.”
 
A   short time later a torrential rain fell from the sky.  The king and queen were totally soaked.  Their entourage chuckled upon seeing them in such a drenched condition.
Furious, the king returned to the palace and fired the weatherman at once!
 
Then he summoned the farmer and offered him the prestigious and high paying role of Royal Forecaster.
 
The  farmer said, “Your Majesty, I do not know anything about forecasting.  I obtain my information from my donkey.   If I see my donkey’s ears drooping, it means with certainty that it will rain.”
 
So the king hired the donkey.
 
And thus began the practice of hiring asses to work in the government and occupy its highest and most influential advisory positions.

 

Sep 12 2015

Pinocchio, Snow White and Superman are out for a stroll in town one day.


As they walk, they come across a sign:
“Beauty Contest for the most beautiful woman in the world.”

“I am entering” said Snow White.
After half an hour Snow White comes out and they ask her,

“Well, how did you do?”
“First place,” said Snow White.

 
They continue walking when they see a second sign:
“Contest for the strongest man in the world.”

“I’m entering,” says Superman.
After half an hour, he returns and they ask him,

“How did you make out?”
“First place,” answers Superman. “Did you ever doubt?”

 
They continue walking when they see a sign:
“Contest! Who is the greatest liar in the world?”
 
Pinocchio says “This is mine.”
Half an hour later, he returns with tears in his eyes.

“What happened?” They asked…….
Pinocchio answers…  “Who the HELL is Hillary Clinton?”

Aug 4 2015

OLD BUTCH


Fred was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young pullets, and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs. He kept records, and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was  replaced. This took a lot  of time, so he bought some tiny bells and attached them to his roosters. Each bell had a different tone, so he could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing. Now, he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report by just listening to the bells.

Fred’s favorite rooster, old Butch, was a very fine specimen, but this morning he noticed old Butch’s bell hadn’t rung at all! When he went to investigate, he saw the other roosters were busy chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover.

To Fred’s amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn’t ring.  He’d sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one.

Fred was so proud of old Butch, he entered him in the Local Farm Show and he became an overnight sensation among the judges. The result was the judges not only awarded old Butch the “No Bell Piece Prize,” but they also awarded him the “Pulletsurprise” as well.

Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making. Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the unsuspecting populace and screwing them when they weren’t paying attention.

Vote carefully in the next election, you can’t always hear the bells.

If you don’t send this on, you’re chicken.