Justin Trudeau: Tariffs are Only Illegal When U.S. Does It…


Delivering remarks in a post G7 press conference, Prime Minister Justin from Canada outlines his perspective on the summit and takes questions from a pre-selected media audience.  Many of the questions centered around U.S. positions on trade/tariffs and the Canadian/EU position that U.S. tariffs are illegal; whereas Canadian and EU tariffs are quantifiable expressions of magnanimous intellectual superiority and Americans should spend more time thanking them, instead of these feeble efforts to gain trade reciprocity.

The underlying Trudeau trade premise is that the U.S. should be thankful for the products brought into the U.S. market by Canadians and Europeans. And Americans should express their appreciation through unilateral indulgence-fees for friendship.  If President Trump does not agree to continue the cycle of abusive trade policies, the Europeans and Canadians might stop saying they are our closest and most valuable ally.

In the granular details: •On NAFTA Justin from Canada says a sunset clause on any renegotiated trade deal is a non-starter regardless of time-frame.  If the U.S. intends to reevaluate the outcomes of a trade deal, there can be no trade deal – ever.

According to Trudeau’s economic team, there will never be any new products or services created within industry, ever again.  Accordingly, the world currently has all the products and technology that will ever exist in the life-cycle of human existence; therefore there is no reason to ever plan on a need to renegotiate trade at any duration of trade agreements.

•On the global gender equity initiative, six of the G7 members have agreed to a $3.8 billion fund to create more opportunity for female organisms; and/or for the expanded rights of those who might identify as female organisms in the next generation.  The central beneficiary group of the G7 gender equity initiative will likely be human; however, in the spirit of inclusivity the communique also accepts a building movement within the EU to recognize planetary gender inequality amid all species.

In fairness to the female Salvadorian four-toed sand lizard who might not want to face the horrors of sub-tropical male domination and subsequent impregnation; the U.N. will use a portion of the G6-1 funding to study the sensibilities of trans-gender lizards in the Southern Hemisphere.  The international monetary fund will be responsible for distribution and will use their upper-east-side suites as the temporary conduit until the new international center for gender equality building is finished; [*note the design competition and contractor bidding period has been extended until August 14th, 2021]

•On the horrors of plastics and climate initiatives, the G7 agreement morphed to a recycled G5 as Japan and the United States refused to sign on to the planned planetary elimination of all plastic, petroleum and carbon-based products.

Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe raised the argument it was impossible for many people to carry enough water from the river, in their cupped bare hands, to take a shower. Germany’s Angela Merkel became quite cross, and pointed out that showers and bathing were already verboten per the 2011 G20 communique and international water-conservation agreement in Finland.

Theresa May rose to support Ms. Merkel and pointed out how the success of the 2011 Finland water-conservation-agreement necessitated and supported accepting increased middle-east immigration.  Less EU bathing means more water.  More water equals happier fish; and many of the most disenfranchised of the pelagic species had their planetary rights trampled for eons by colonial expansionists.

PM May supports correcting those historic abuses, and the U.K. Council on Subterranean Species Initiatives (UK-CSTSI) has been monitoring the sensibilities of North Atlantic cod for almost half-a-decade.  The councils’ work has been a key policy initiative for the elimination of insensitive fish-and-chip shops throughout England and Northern-Ireland.

One comment on “Justin Trudeau: Tariffs are Only Illegal When U.S. Does It…

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