Lance LeGume, President of the National Redskin Peanut Growers Association, in a recent exclusive interview with Ace Reporter Hugh Betcha of the Canada Free Press, announced a stunning new development: the Washington Redskins football franchise will be soon be purchased by the National Redskin Peanut Growers Association for an undisclosed sum which will allow the franchise to retain the franchise name and change the team logo slightly to remove any suggestion of political incorrectness.
“It is a win-win,” announced LeGume as he held up a helmet displaying the new logo: the ubiquitous and tasty redskin peanut. “We keep the famous and revered name, and get free publicity for our wonderful product each time the team takes the field. Everyone is reminded of this tasty snack, everyone is happy, and no one is offended. Who does not love redskin peanuts?”
But when asked for comment on this new development, Nancy Pelosi reacted with an outburst of anger typically reserved for anything that Donald Trump does.
“This is just one more example of the right wing, racist Republicans’ attempt to smear an entire race of people, which must be stopped,” she yelled as she slammed his fist on the desk. “We are going to introduce new legislation to block it,” she said.
“You mean the sale of the franchise?” Hugh inquired.
“No,” replied Pelosi, “the word ‘redskins’. It is inherently offensive. You may change the logo, but people will still see the peanut and hear the word and be reminded that there are people out there with red skin, and someone, somewhere, somehow is still going to be offended. This is why I do not even eat the damn things anymore. Every time I ate a redskins peanut I was reminded of our treatment of Native Americans over the years.”
Nonplussed, Hugh terminated the interview and filed this report.
In a related, fast-breaking story, Pelosi announced today that the House will take up legislation banning certain words or phrases, among them: “white bread,” “white milk,” “White House,” “Snow White,” “White Christmas,” and other equally offensive words or phrases too numerous to repeat here….